So the close season arrives as does the closing of another Scandinavian hero’s time at Liverpool. Woah Sami Sami…

The Sami singers will miss him, we all will. Sami Hyypia was a reminder that not all top footballers are fancy dan lightweights with trick shots and step overs. Some of them have the forehead of a mountain cliff and score against Juventus.

You can read elsewhere the stats the goals, the games played blah, the true measure of a man for me is how we the Kop love him. Lasting longer than ol puffy cheeks, the unsung hero Henchoz, Sami carried on playing and giving Alan Hansen an erection, for ten years. In these days of speed, pace and swift playing, Sami, not the fastest, was only really outstripped once truly, by Drogba when Chelsea beat us 4-1. And it turns out he had flu and had been sick. Sami that is…

Anyway my memories are of him charging up field with the ball when opponents stood off to ‘park the bus’ at ours. He was like a cow with a gun. What the fuck was he going to do? He’s no Agger. He’d get over the half way line and then pass it short and trot back to remind us that most opponents’ strikers were in his pockets.

Good with headers, he was perhaps more surprised than us when he scored, but we sang his name, every week and when he ran on with his laces undone and clapped us, or gave up the captaincy and got on with the job, he reminded me of an old style no nonsense defender.

Good luck at Leverkusen mate, I’m not sure we’ll see his like again. And yes we’ll miss him. Reliability to the Finnish. To the end.

woah Sami Sami, Sami Sami Sami Hyypia…

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A few of us have been debating the need for an “Alonso Lite” for the squad - a player who can set the base of play for us effectively when Xabi needs his beauty sleep. So it was interesting to see Fabio Aurelio pitched into the Alonso role on Saturday.

It’s clear he doesn’t offer everything Xabi offers,  and he’s limited in some respects, but I found the performance up to the 67th minute encouraging. It’s not a long-term solution, but still, it was pretty impressive no?

Here’s a little breakdown of the two players’ contributions.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/chalkboards/Mt77q98oj968my81a0J8

So Rafa wasn’t keen, and there goes £5m as Liverpool continue to follow the example of Newcastle and be a club that looks ridiculous. Honestly, our owners watch the games in wide screen (one sat at one end, one at the other) Rafa fights big Phil for the beard of the month and Bosingwa seems to get off with using Yossi as a ladder…

I had high hopes for a proven Premiership goalscorer coming to play at ours, but always thought he was overpriced. So did, it turns out, our manager and Spurs’ manager too…

How fucking bizarre…

Anyway we beat Chelsea 2-0 and I didn’t even know Lamphead was on the pitch til he was sent off. Being a red, I thought it was a red. If I were a blue, I would’ve gone blue in the face…. But then again, Phil was trying to play card swaps by trading off Bosingwa’s mountain climb against Lamphead’s admittedly weak tackle…

but anything that makes John Terry grab the ball and stomp off is ok with me. Meanwhile there was Robbie sat in the stands pretending not to be bothered that his boyhood team didn’t want him as a man.

Well see ya mate. take care, was a shame but hey ho, onwards and upwards. Unless you’re Spurs, in which case, its onwards and hopefully not the other way.

believing in himself.

Robbie (Robert David to UEFA - that still makes me laugh) - you cost a fuckin wad and frankly you’ve been like a Victorian temptress, showing us a glimpse here, a flash there, of your undoubted talent.

But but but…

Look, can you hear the medics, Fernando? Whilst our number nine’s hamstring is bouncing, its about time that Robbie stepped up the plate, (or fill in your own metaphor for being good here) and started banging them in.

You can even do your ridiculous celebration if you like, but just believe in yourself. You’re a proven premiership player, and playing for your childhood heroes (well the team, not the players, not even Sami was around then..) so when you, as you surely will, go out to play West Aaaam (or Wet ‘am if you’re Zola) fucking fill the onion bag with 4 pounds of Ireland’s best. That’d go some way to paying off 20 million of them.

Sports:

Robert is a punctual and ever present member of the football team. He is keen if you pardon the pun but hasn’t lived up to his early promise until last week when he managed to score a goal. It is a testament to his popularity that the rest of the team were very pleased for him.

It must be said that we do not encourage over celebration of one’s achievements and Robert’s insistence on gymnastics followed by some sort of cowboy move must be discouraged. Mainly because he looks a cock.

Keep it up Robert.

Not Roy of the Black Cats, I was never keen on him, especially as his short stubble made him look like my action man with realistic hair and gripping hands, but Robbie Keane once of Spurs, and the cartwheel.

Personally I think £20m is too much. Actually I think £20m is too much for any footballer but that’s another argument (see the ‘morals in football’ thread). But in this case its an awful lot of money for a footballer who isn’t a first choice start for Spurs, and has a lot of years under his little belt.

That said, he’s a good signing for us - we’ve taken a proven Premiership player who knows the score and knows how to play against the teams in this league and has scored a lot of good goals. Also he’s a proper Red, not one who made his everlasting love for the club five minutes after the ink was dry on the contract.

Of course it remains to be seen how Rafa plays Robbie. Will we see Rafa the raffish rotator and play Robbie central defence? Or on the right? Watch out Dirk..

Or heaven whisper it, a 4-4-2 with Torres and Keane up front? Now that’s what I call happy days. Or 4-2-3-1? aren’t we strong enough to not need two holding? For me, a midfield of Masch/Alonso and Gerrard, with Babel on the left and Dirk or Pennant on the right and KnT up front sounds a good way to play.

We’ll see. How nice to see us discussing football as opposed to the dark shite behind the scenes that continue to plague our club.

welcome Robbie from RAWK.

From our song correspondent, Scully:

His armband proved he was a red TORRES TORRES
You’ll Never Walk Alone it said TORRES TORRES
We got the lad from sunny spain,
he gets the ball he’ll score again
FERNANDO TORRES LIBPOOLS NUMBER 9

BOUNCE!!!!

NANANANANANANAN NANA
NANANANANANANAN NANA
NANANANANANANANAN
NANANANANANANA
FERNANDO TORRES LIBPOOLS NUMBER 9

END BOUNCING

repeat from beginning.

A strange week all in with the two performances against Pompey and Porto leaving questions galore down Anfield way:

Pompey was poor. It’s always a difficult place to visit and with it being a Saturday 12:45pm kick off following the internationals, and with Carragher, Gerrard and Finnan all struggling to make the matchday squad and Riise missing out, a point wasn’t a bad result. The press and media went to town on rotation again, ignoring the fact that Rafa rotates as much as both Ferguson and the now dearly departed Mourinho. 118 changes in 38 games in 06/07 for Rafa; 118 changes in 38 games in Ferguson winning the title in 06/07; 118 changes in 38 games in Mourinho winning the title in 05/06. Both Alonso and Sissoko has been in excellent form this season so Gerrard was no great miss, especially if you had watched his efforts v Russia for England and subsequently away to Porto. He simply doesn’t look fit after his toe injury. The only contentious choice was leaving Torres on the bench after his trip to Iceland. Probably caught a cold.

Porto was poorer. The “big guns” were back in the team. Unfortunately the kitman forgot to pack the bullets. The back four looked nervy, the midfield as if they’d never played together and the front two adrift. With the honourable exception of Kuyt the rest looked like they’d been on a week long magical mystery tour via Amsterdam, Hamburg and the side streets of Las Ramblas. It was only after Pennant’s idiotic sending off that a collective alarm call rang and the lads got down to the nitty gritty of securing a valuable point in what should be our most difficult away game.

The metatarsal injuries to Alonso and Agger prior to the game will mean they’ll both be out for 5-6 weeks. There’s plenty of cover for Alonso with Gerrard, Sissoko and Mascerano in the squad along with the young U20 Brazilian captain Lucas Leiva who may now get his chance to play a few games. Agger’s cover is a different matter - it was no secret that Rafa was desperately trying to secure another central defender this summer and the failure of Henize to secure his release to us leaves the squad threadbare at the back. Sami Hyypia will deputise admirably but there’ll be concerns over whether he can cope with two games a week at his age. Arbeloa has played at centreback for Deportivo so could theoretically step in, but after that it’s down to the youth players such as Jack Hobbs and Mikel San Jose.

Elsewhere we’ve had Big Fat Sam opening his Big Fat Mouth to spout some Big Fat Nonsense. Perhaps he’s still a little sore that he received short shrift from the Liverpool board when he made his interest in the manager’s job known on Gerrard Houllier’s departure? Or he could merely be playing the media game in an attempt to stall for time as he wonders how he can fit Michael Owen into his peculiar brand of long-ball, long-throw in football? Here’s a dreadful finish for you Mr Allardyce: 9th. Liverpool haven’t finished that low in the 45 seasons since Shankly won promotion in 1961-62. That’s the minimum target I’m setting you at the big club you’ve always yearned to manage.

I’ll be sad to see Jose Mourinho leave Chelsea. It’ll make those semi-finals so much harder for us. It wasn’t sexy football that Roman wanted, just a crowd that turned up and a tactic other than throw the big centre half up front when in need of a goal. In the end Rafa was the rock on which Jose founded.

And finally I was filled with horror when I heard that ITV had axed the British Comedy Awards today, I was looking forward to Everton sweeping the board. From the ticket fiasco prior to last night’s delayed game, through the two missed penalties one of which is just about to land in Kharkiv, having to hire in Johnny Vegas and Claire Sweeney to add some glamour, Keith Wyness asleep in the director’s box, being outplayed by nine men and Kevin Ratcliffe calling the opposition Metatarsal, I’ve not laughed as hard in years.

Who said they don’t write comedies like they used to?

Not the racing team but the coach who’s single job it is, is to pick the best football players from England and play them in their best positions.

Never mind die hard Reds, any 8yr old CM geek could tell you that Jamie Carragher without doubt had a fantastic season last year, and in particular, two matches: Barcelona and Chelsea.

Now if defending against two different types of teams like these two, defending quite brilliantly by the way, doesn’t tell you something of the man’s consumate skill, then nothing will.

Not even being preferred over John Terry by some as the best CB in the league.

Not even being consistently praised by players, managers and pundits.

No, let’s be honest. Obviously Ledley King and Wes Brown, both from Crocks-R-Us Hospital for the permanently lame, are both better players.

Obviously playing Carragher as RB because he’s a utility player (like using a kettle to boil an egg, it’ll work but not what its meant to do) is a good idea, so Jar Jar Binks can languidly do nowt next to John Terry. No wonder Terry looks excellent there, he’s either got ‘my-heads-in’ Rio or the Hobbling Bros next to him.

 

Jamie should put it like this.

“Steve, you’re an arse. But you won’t recognise it as an arse, preferring to place it on your elbow cos that’s its best position. Or your head.”

When all the dust settles from the UEFA nonsense, things are put into clear perspective with the news that really matters. One of our old players has had a heart attack and is ill. And not just any old ex-player but one synonomous with Liverpool, with a real understanding of the club and a bedrock in the days when being a rock meant being harder than most rocks.

 

I’m talking about Tommy Smith and being a writer more interested in emotion than in stats (I do support that most emotional of clubs, Liverpool after all), let me give a brief flavour of the man from my perspective.

As a young lad, watching still in black and white on my pal’s telly, one of the pivotal moments in my upbringing in the LFC dept was Smith’s header in the 3-1 European Cup victory over Borussia Muchengladbach The only team to have 2 lines on the panini stickers cos their name was that long…

I can clearly recall the commentary, there was a corner to us on the left hand side…”Heighway steps up, in it comes oooooooooooooooooohhhh my goodness Tommy Smith has scored….”

Smith’s header was remarkable because he should’ve hardly been playing in that game never mind been up in the other side’s penalty box. It was about his only goal ever frankly, certainly that I can remember and the only time his head had mentioned on the football field. Normally it was his legs of iron, his bone crunching tackles, his manner in which dribblers had to really know their skill, becuase it was like running into a wall made of steel with iron covering, cased in other metals.

Smith wouldn’t get 2 mins in the modern game as he’d be sent off before the kick off, probably for decking the linesman.

Not the assistant referee, not the game where fancy dan’s are allowed to dive and feint death. You know when you’ve been tango-ed… Well you knew when you’ve been Smith’d. Be it Chopper Harris of Chelsea when they were nearly tough, Norman bite-yer-legs Hunter of the original dirty Leeds, or Tommy Smith, these were men in a man’s game.

Hair gel ? they’d have killed for less.

Graeme Souness is known for being a hard man in a Liverpool side. But he was like Tinkerbell at a fairy’s party next to the real iron man of Liverpool, Tommy.

To hear of the mighty laid low, brings forth one’s own mortality. But I pray to the great Red God in the sky that Tommy’s time is a long way off. Get well soon Tommy mate, you, on the pitch, were a fucking star.