Liverpool 1 - Portsmouth 0

So the demented teddy bear that is ‘Arry Redknapp didn’t bring his team up, leaving them for a bigger team, Spurs, and left Tony Adams, or Big Chief Massive Nose, to stamp his authority on the team by leaving out Defoe, giving Peter no-one to head the ball onto…

Anyway we won, it was difficult but we absolutely deserved it, and if you want a match report, piss off to the Echo. Instead, here’s my thoughts…

Papa Bupa Lemon Drop -wtf? 72 ft tall and went down like a lady of the night on a banker at Christmas… elbowed Ryan clearly in the head then clutched his own like it had been hit by a demolition ball and rolled around on the floor til he just managed to get to the sidelines before dying coming straight back on. Twat. At least he proved karma exists by pushing Sami and handballing giving us in the Kop a potential heartattack by letting Stevie G take a penalty. But even though David James went the right way, he scored, we went mad and apart from a wobbly last few minutes, we get a very valuable three points against a defensively organised team.

Speaking of men’s model, the nintendo king, D James, got and gave us a good round of applause, but only after high 10′ing every single Portsmouth player which took about 3 minutes up. Tip - don’t keep the Kop waiting too long, or you’ll get pelters…

And it was nice to see Peter, if only to realise how we’ve moved on. Like an ugly ex, seeing them makes us realise we’ve got better and whilst he deserved his applause and chant, and it was nice to see him, I wish him all the best, now he’s not with us, and we don’t miss him.

Gerrard got subbed, Alonso hit shots so wide they nearly hit the cctv van outside and the Kop were quiet and loud in varying degrees, whilst Pompey’s 24 fans who’d come up, sang that shit song quite loud, and nothing else.

12 hours up the road to see one up the front and 12 hours back down one nil down. I admire them for taking that trip. How long will they travel with Tony? who gives a fuck, it’s Portsmouth and we’re Liverpool. Right Harry, you can run but you can’t hide, see you Saturday you nodding ‘Churchill Dog’ of a manager.

Renee Zellwegger, Johhny Vaughan, David Baddiel, Damon Albern, Suggs, Sebastian Coe, David Mellor, Peter Hain, Gordon Ramsey, Fiona Phillips, Jose Mourinho, Cheryl Tweedy, Tim Lovejoy - DO YOU HEAR ME TIM LOVEYJOY?!  Your boys took one hell of a beating - A HELL of beating!

I support a club where they don’t give out plastic flags and ask the fans to sing, where the owners are also foreign, but unwelcome but a club where the history is long and the times good.

But 86 games unbeaten at home is a very very good record. The kind of record we used to have at ‘Fortress Anfield’ but Stamford Bridge was finally crossed and poor old Chelsea lost.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fuck you Chelsea ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sorry, back to where we are. Yes, every club needs it defensive rock, the dyed in the wool I’ll die at the club player who epitomises that club.

Now, Manchester Utd have Gary Neville, we have Carra, Chelsea have amazingly not John Terry who tends to cry at drumbeat of Eastenders, but Ashley Cole who gets wound up when things go wrong.

Not in the home obviously, he’s too busy shagging, letting Cheryl do that, but on the pitch. He was shouting and bawling and throwing his toys out the expensively bought pram.

How bad is that. To have Ashley Cole as the player-that-cares. Chelsea for me were an old school violent club that were in the first division and Peter Osgood played for them. But this bunch of fancy dans, directed by Gene Hackman are actually a bloody good team. With spirit and neat play and never say die attitude, but where was Frankie boy, John Terry, the artful Deco. ?

Yes they nearly scored but so did we, ooh Xabi’s free kick, Gerrard’s shot and er Dirk Kuyt’s skite.. And we defended well and Reira looked like a player playing for the shirt not the cheque…

Robbie Keane needs to sharpen up but whilst I was nervous as a badger in a TB-ridden farm with a drunk party of sharpshooting farmers, what a smashing day.

What a smashing fucking day.

I support a club who means something to me. And today meant the world. Ha haaaaaa… PS Chelsea, on the same points as Hull City I see.

Agger returns to help give the Kop a heart attack…

Well, if this is the season for breaking ducks, Rafa has beaten one of the top four (Alex hello…) and now has beaten the Easter Island headed Steve Bruce. His head is so big, he needs two first names.

Wigan without Heskey, Wigan like Stoke, coming to play 10 behind the ball, and Emile on the floor, and a bloke in the dugout who’s never lost to Rafa, the myths continue. The fact remains that everybody’s favourite fantasy football striker (50p and 12000 points) Zaki, took advantage of Daniel forgetting that it wasn’t a training match and that he was actually playing and not bothering to concentrate.

That said, his 2nd goal was almost in the identical spot to where Peter Crouch scored his bicycle kick, and both were excellent.

But of course, you score against Liverpool at your peril and though it was a bit scary, we fought back.

Frankly we shouldn’t have needed to ‘have fought back’. If we are to be realistic title contenders then the likes of Wigan need brushing aside as Chelsea did with ‘Boro today…

And they nearly were if Kuyt’s wonderful strike had gone in, nice to see him play in a lead role and again he proves his constant detractors wrong.

We ended up with four wingers on and a joyous Kop singing at the end. Steve Bruce… Was your head deflated to the size of A MASSIVE ELEPHANT? Sorry got carried away there… on on Rafa on on.

Ah the great city of Liverpool, as the ships roll in from afar and the cosmopolitan sounds abuzz of all corners of the world meeting at the great port - two wins.

The small fabric making village of Manchester that doesn’t tame the mighty sea at her door, but has some nice canals - No wins.

Smashing.

If anything today, lets be honest, most of us thought the wheels were gonna come off for a bit, Kuyt’s miss confirming that we were once again flattering to decieve and the new look Manchester City of Arabia were going to enjoy themselves again. But no, we fought and believed and those two things, the fact that we fought back and that we didn’t give up meant not only did we look like we were going to lose where Chelsea won, but we won and won well.

Hope Skrtel gets better soon.

The higher you get, the rarer the atmosphere, ready to hold your breaths some more? On on.

Sports:

Robert is a punctual and ever present member of the football team. He is keen if you pardon the pun but hasn’t lived up to his early promise until last week when he managed to score a goal. It is a testament to his popularity that the rest of the team were very pleased for him.

It must be said that we do not encourage over celebration of one’s achievements and Robert’s insistence on gymnastics followed by some sort of cowboy move must be discouraged. Mainly because he looks a cock.

Keep it up Robert.