One of the many pleasures of going to Anfield is to watch the half-time entertainment.

For few grounds can compare with our half-time spectaculars. You can keep the fireworks, the bands, or some idiot dressed up as a lion, for Anfield has two events that surely epitomise the heights of entertainment.

Firstly we have Zonal Raking. Up to 8 guys dressed in bibs, shorts, caps and boots rake their own area of the pitch with all the happiness of a firing squad convictee. I wonder who assigns them to which area. Do they swap ends every other game to keep it interesting? Is there tactical discussion (”Keep the nap down towards the Kop, leave the divots in front of the opposition goalie and man mark that good looking steward in front of the Main Stand)? Is there any point to half heartedly pressing down a wee bit of grass with as much energy as a mouse pushing a cow?

Truly it is a highlight of my game, a mediocre coffee, smelly pie and a few would be Alan Titchmarshs a’wandering like the damned.

If that doesn’t take your fancy why not stay and watch some breathless fat bloke try and score a penalty? Much better fun. There can be nothing better than watching a bunch of starry-eyed terrified chubby blokes in ill-fitting shorts hoof the ball so hard it comes to a standstill on the edge of the 6 yard box. Usually to the derisory cheers of the Kop.

In all honesty the penalty kicks are a laugh, purely because of the wretchedness of the kicks themselves and the wry commentator taking the piss.

Fancy dances and music? Mascots and majorettes? World record breaking ball juggling Koreans? Stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine (no, not Manchester). Give me the rakes and penalty takers any day.

Football matches are about football and I love Anfield for its adherence to tradition. Blimey there was an uproar when we installed out first scoreboard a couple of years back. And even that was in the style of a 1977 LED watch.

We all know we wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s easy to underestimate John Arne Riise. We’ve all been guilty of it at times with a blasé reaction to another 30 yard goal, or a lung-busting covering run in the last minute.

For whatever reason his contribution seems to be overlooked. Perhaps it’s his lack of a trick when running at an opposing defender? Or his lack of a right foot? And yes he occasionally gets done by a winger, but who doesn’t in world football? His goalscoring record is up there with Roberto Carlos in terms of goals/games and positively embarrasses Ashley “the best attacking full back in the world” Cole’s.

His defensive abilities have improved enormously under Rafa. He keeps a superb line with Finnan, Sami and Carra catching many a forward offside. And his absence from last night’s game against Galatasaray demonstrated another of his qualities - whereas Aurelio tended to stand too far off Sabri, JAR would have hounded him and blocked many of his dangerous crosses from making it into the box.

His superb physical conditioning means Riise is rarely injured and despite charging up and down the wing for 90 minutes he’s rarely tired in the later stages of games. He’s only 3 months older than the aforementioned Cashley, yet has played over 100 games more for club and country.

Tell you what John, you’ll do for me.

Oh for a couple of inches …

Not said by the vicar to the actress but certainly by Martin Jol to Jenas.

Had he clipped his stumbling slide into the ball a few inches to the left, Spurs would’ve been one up, Gerrard wouldn’t have legged it down and crossed it for Bellamy to hit the post and Mark pop it in (Hi I’m a Latin, dark haired good looking lover called Gonzalez. My first name? Oh, er, Mark.)

Liverpool wouldn’t have relaxed, they would’ve tried harder to get an equalizer, and Riise certainly wouldn’t have tried his usual blast, but perhaps tried to pass it forward.

Or a few inches back and Kuyt’s offside, or a few inches forward and King’s head is on the end of Murphy’s free kick and so on. Of course the reverse is also true, Bellamy could’ve scored with two shots, one saved, one off the post and so it goes.

What’s interesting is that Spurs have the wherewithal to be a good passing side, they were certainly crisp in passing, looked sharp on the break and interested; but when we scored and upped the tempo, we relaxed and started to enjoy the football. Gerrard looked like he was waking up, Riise was up for having a wee shot, flicks and tricks from Little Luis were acceptable and appropriate and so on.

It’s a funny old game goes the cliche, but I can reel off the games where the result would’ve been different, in fact where history would’ve been different (Garcia’s goal v Chelsea in the CL Semi-Final to name but one) if the inches had been a few and the other way. And so it goes for many other games with many other teams. Every fan has their favourite “what if” story, every team their hard luck tale.

We all know that the distance between winning and losing is not miles, nor measured by your success, but mere inches.

In the wake of his fantastic 70 yard goal against Newcastle, Xabi Alonso has revealed the secret regime he was implemented to try and achieve a perfect long range hattrick. We caught up with the Basque sensation earlier:

RAWK: “So Xabi, you’ve scored with your left foot from your own half against Luton; you’ve scored with your right foot from your own half against the Geordies. All you need for the hattrick is a header from your own half!”

XA: “Si, it is something I have thought about. I have discussed it with Rafa and Pako and we think there are possibilities for me to do this.”

RAWK: “You’re joking, surely?”

XA: “No, I am practicing it in every training session. You have to try these things to make them happen. I have to strengthen my neck muscles and I have a special exercise I use to do this.”

RAWK: “Tell us about this.”

XA: “The physios have given be a neck brace and, how do you say, a rubber tension band? I loop this over the horns of one of my pet bulls and we have a pull of war.”

RAWK: “You mean a tug of war.”

XA: “Keep me out of your private life.”

RAWK: “And this is working?”

XA: “Yes it is excellent, soon I will have a neck like Mike Tyson.”

RAWK: “But even then you’re unlikely to get a chance, surely?”

XA: “I have a plan. I will wait in the centre circle in our half and wait for Stevie to hit one of his Hollywood balls from right wing to the left wing. I’ll throw myself at the ball and head it at the goal. If the opposition keeper is rubbish, I’ll score. We play Portsmouth in November so get your bets on.”

RAWK: “Thanks for your time Xabi and good luck!”

David Fairclough.

His face, his verve and love of going forward, getting stuck in and wild hair (ok ok not as ginger…). I’ve been trying to work out for the life of me who he reminds me off. And there it is, in his goal celebration to the Anny Road End, fists and arms pumping in salute to the fans, a face that comes straight out of the 70’s midweek muddy battle v Derby and a willingness to run and run.

David                DirkOf course, he’ll not be subbed as much nor will we play St. Etienne like that again, but he has the look of a strong old-style Liverpool player. And Davey Fairclough’s nose.

Week after week, day by day they seem to pursue an agenda which is directly at odds with what Liverpool are trying to achieve with regards to the new stadium. Today we’ve been subjected to a four page splash suggesting an emergency board meeting has been called, and that the stadium plans will collapse unless the club is taken over in the next 72 hours:

Millionaires battle to takeover Liverpool FC

This follows on from Saturday’s epic in which they claimed we’d missed a deadline to prove we had the funding. If you read the article closely you’ll spot we haven’t missed any deadline:

Liverpool FC miss funding deadline

The shadowy hand of the NWDA is continually seen in the background, with an “unnamed source” from the government quango always ready to disparage LFC and suggest a ground share with Everton as the way forward. The NWDA’s Chief Executive Steve Broomhead is a particular fan of this idea, despite opposing the ground share proposals of Nottingham Forest and his own favoured club Notts County. Hypocrisy writ large from a man more interested in delivering a flagship project for his organisation than a stadium the fans of the club want, the regeneration the area around the current ground needs, and something the whole city will benefit from.

The first time ground share reared its ugly head the Post charged into action to support it, publishing something like 20 pro-ground share articles in just over a week. It took a passionate Red to knock down the doors of the Echo offices, and plead with the editor for a sense of balance in the debate, before the first anti-ground share article was seen in the Post’s sister paper as an antidote to the propaganda. Since then and despite the overwhelmingly anti-ground share stance from the fans and LFC, the Post has continued with its drip drip feed of articles supporting a purple stadium either directly or by undermining the Stanley Park proposals.

Today Chris Bascombe does a good job in counteracting the Post’s morning nonsense in an interview with Rick Parry:

The truth on Anfield

When will the Post and the NWDA understand that we have no interest in their ground share, and should stop trying to undermine the current proposals at every turn for their own vested agenda.

Paul Youngson is a Liverpool fan who suffers from congenital heart disease (CHD). After twice undergoing open heart surgery as a child, the now healthy Paul has undertaken an 18 month project to raise as much money as possible for the patients association GUCH, who provide support for young people and adults with CHD.

The idea of his fundraiser is simple. Starting with a piece of old rope, he hopes to trade up for something better as many times as possible over the next 18 months. After 18 months the final item(s) will be auctioned with all proceeds going to GUCH. You can follow his adventures on his blog:

http://money-for-old-rope.blogspot.com/

So far Paul has managed to trade his rope up to a Xabi Alonso match shirt from our 2005/06 Champions League campaign, via 18 pairs of craft knives, a Sydney Olympic Official’s Shirt, and a signed photo of Peter Beardsley. The shirt was provided by Liverpool FC via the PR department and includes the Champions League patch, Alonso 14, but uniquely not Carlsberg as it was produced in anticipation of playing in countries where alcohol advertising is banned.

If you want to trade with Paul for this Alonso shirt you can contact him via his blog. You can also see a letter of authenticy for the shirt as sent by LFC’s PR department. Remember the idea is to improve on what he currently holds - the shirt has been valued at £300.

We’d like to wish Paul all the best in his fundraising efforts and hope he manages to raise as much awareness and money as possible.

It may be old age, but I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that this season I don’t feel I know my team. I don’t mean reel off our first 11 as I’m sure Nostradamus and Mother Shipton couldn’t predict Rafa’s teamsheet between them, never mind lil ol me. No, what I mean is that I’m not feeling comfortable with the team we sometimes put out.

Take last night’s game v PSV. I am the only one who read the words Zenden, Aurelio, Warnock, Agger, Kuyt, Bellamy and think hang on, where’s me team gone?

It’s not that I don’t know they’re Liverpool players, don’t be daft, nor that I wouldn’t want them to be. Rather it’s a feeling that apart from Carragher and Finnan and maybe Reina, the team sheet looked odd. Un-Liverpool like, unusual, like the ‘real’ team were somewhere else.

Maybe this is a season of transition, maybe it’ll all end in tears, but one thing’s for sure, I don’t feel involved, associated, linked, at one with my team. And for a fan that’s just the worst thing ever.

Now I come from a time when we won the league with 16 players, so perhaps it’s the rotational thing. Or maybe it’s that there a lot of new players, playing in new ways and it’ll take time to get used to them. I have very high hopes for Dirk, possibly Bellamy, certainly Momo, and I think Agger began last night the proper start of his Liverpool career. But when we signed the 2 SH’s, Smicer, Hamman even, it didn’t seem like a new team, rather some new names coming in. And in reality that’s what has happened here. But I do feel that somehow the train has left the Lime St. Station without many of us emotionally on board.

I dunno, it’s an odd feeling, losing to the charlatans across the park hit me hard, but when it has comes to me looking forward to seeing lil Luis playing, or reassured by having Kewell at least on the bench, then something’s definitely up.

My feelings for Liverpool have not dimmed one thousandth of a percent. But that’s my love for the team, the club, the trappings of being a Red. But right now, not the players.

As Rafa contemplates throwing Dirk Kuyt into the cauldron of the Merseyside derby for his full debut, he might consider looking back at how other Reds have faired in the same circumstances on enemy turf.

The last two players to be baptised at Goodison were Øyvind Leonhardsen in 1997 and Julian Dicks in 1993, with both ending up on the wrong end of a 2-0 defeat. The results proved an accurate portend for their Liverpool careers really. Taking the time machine back to 1974 sees two legends battle it out in a 0-0 draw: Phil Neal and Terry McDermott, superb players with the right levels of skill and mental fortitude to cope with a debut in the passion of the derby.

Our only winning debutant was the fantastically named Harman Van Den Berg who pulled on the Red shirt for a 3-1 Goodison win in 1938. War intervened in his fledgling Liverpool career and he returned to South Africa in 1941.

The first, and unluckiest, away debutant was goalkeeper William Henry Marshall who deputised for Bill Perkins in January 1902. In his only game for the club Marshall was on the wrong end of a 4-0 hammering. Unsurprisingly one Bill was replaced by the other for the next match, a 1st Round FA Cup tie at Anfield against those Blues again.

But Rafa shouldn’t worry too much. Everton have their own derby debut nightmares and it would be remiss not to mention Glenn Keeley, whose entire Everton career consisted of 37 minutes of the Goodison derby in 1982 and a red card for a professional foul on King Kenny. And we all know how that match ended up:

Rush scored 1, Rush scored 2 …

Well it seems the ticket office has continued with its draconian policy of separating mates at the match. After instituting a “no more than 4″ policy on the phone lines a few weeks back, they’ve now started implementing the same restrictions at the ticket office windows.

So now you can spend an hour queueing up outside the ticket office with 5 fan cards only to be told you can only buy four, and then have to return to the back of the queue and wait another hour to pick up the last ticket. In this extra hour you can spend time thinking of how best to decide who’s going to be the billy-no-mates at the game. Scissors, paper, stone? Drawing straws? Arm wrestle for it? Last one to down a pint?

And the solution to the “I want more than four” problem? You have to bring along one of the other fancard holders. Unless you want nine tickets that is, in which case you need to skip down Walton Breck Road hand-in-hand with two of your mates. Rumours are that people are starting to hire themselves out as surrogate mates - you’ll find their agent just outside The Albert.