The force is a powerful ally, but it requires a strong control on the emotions. In the leadup to this crucial tie in Kiev I’ve become aware of a new and sinister threat to the triumph of good, fear.

As any jedi knows, fear can lead to hate, hate can lead to drinking, drinking can lead to confused scripts, which leads to inferior prequels, which lead to suffering. We must beware of fear, indeed we should be afraid of it! Run, run from this terrible fear before it consumes us all. Aarrgh!

Ahem. What then is the source of this fear? That looming object on the horizon looks a lot like a moon, but it’s not. It’s the Champions League football logo and it’s beckoning to LFC. Within it’s leathery leer lies a promise of European nights at Anfield against some of the finest teams in the world. A chance to bring the banners out and sing the old songs. A chance for the Champions of 2005 to once more challenge for title of the most powerful team in Europe.

There’s only one obstacle that lies in our star destroyer of a side’s path. A rickety, weathered old Corellian cruiser called the Maccabian Hyphen. Sure Boccoli might make the run through the inside channels in a couple of parsecs but we’ve got Momo ‘Wookie’ Sissoko, Steven ‘Newspaper Star’ Gerrard and Xabi ‘the force is strong in this one’ Alonso.

Score a goal against them and they’ll net more times than you could possibly imagine. So victory is assured and all Rafa has to do is adjust his cowl and watch the pitiful rebellion be destroyed.

Why then this disturbance in the force? Why the eerie whispering of shades from the past with the haunting refrain, ‘beware the away goal?’ How can this nagging fear be mastered?

The pre-season offered so much hope fuelled by so much hype. Exciting signings in key areas coupled with a confident performance in the Community Shield led to widespread declarations that “17 years of hurt” would be brought to an end with a title victory. After 90 minutes of the first match, as if the script was preordained, we’re told we’ve thrown away the league with 37 games to go, and have a team full of cloggers and will be lucky to qualify for the Champions League this season.

The opening match against the Blades was always going to be a tough assignment, with a passionate capacity crowd and a team desperate to prove its return to the top flight was justified. Warnock narrowed the pitch, grew the grass, and flooded midfield with eager young bruisers desperate to chop down the foe in canary yellow. It wasn’t long before we saw Riise and Carra limp off following hefty challenges and the resulting changes, coupled with a few regulars missing ahead of the trip to Kiev, saw a strangely muted and disjointed performance from the Reds.

It wasn’t until we’d gone behind to a poorly marked Hulse goal that the lads woke from their slumber and started stringing together some decent football. Aurelio and Gonzalez looked like they could form a useful partnership down the left and Agger impressed again after replacing Carra. The penalty? Clear as day to me. Refs should be giving more penalties like this as the rules clearly state that an attempt to foul should receive the same sanction as a foul. Gerrard lost his balance in vaulting Brown’ challenge, thereby losing his chance to score and therefore had to be impeded illegally. Robbie, with his trademark shuffle, tucked away the penalty to bring us back on level terms before the game fizzled out to finish 1-1.

Fingers crossed that we’ll get by Haifa out in Kiev tomorrow as then we can return to a normal football diary after the frustrating merry-go-round of the last two weeks.

With Dirk Kuyt all but signed the usual songsmiths have been churning out their latest numbers for the Kop to sing. One tune that has been suggested on many forums is “Let’s go fly a kite” from Mary Poppins. Be under no misconceptions here. Anyone intending to sing this monstrosity will have to wear a flak jacket into the ground. The Kirkby Fusiliers have put their crack troop of snipers on advance warning and they will take out anyone seen so much as miming along to the tune.

Keep the Kop Disney free.

Since the moment over three months ago that the FA Cup celebrations stopped, this coming Saturday has been the moment everyone has looked to like children look forward to Christmas. The pitches are in top condition, new kits and signings add to excitement and even the most laborious Happy Al’s journey suddenly looks like a dream day out.

The proper start of domestic football is always welcomed by everyone. Mid-table mediocrity take the three months to have mind-erasing surgery and forget that their side is aiming for thirteenth position and not Champion’s League qualification, whilst anyone who has an even half decent side starts picturing their captain lifting the league in May.

After months of shopping, watching England lose, cricket, tennis, Big Brother and other such shite, the mood of the entire nation is lifted around August every year. The sight of things that in only a few weeks time will again see remotes thrown at TVs and missiles onto pitches, are welcomed [Just look at the reception Salif Diao got at some friendlies!]

Bring on Sheffield United, Neil Warnock, David Unsworth on Saturday and more importantly the start of proper football. Oh, and Liverpool as Champions again

Hello, this is your Captain speaking. Will the ugly bastard with the awful suit please turn off his mobile phone?

We should be approaching Liverpool in around twenty minutes, the weather today has been … well, shit. The trolley will be coming round for the final time soon.

Thank you.

That’s the day the season really starts. Yes, the 14th October. It’s the date of our first 3pm Saturday kick off in the league. Prior to that we have five games starting at 12:45pm, and one each at 1:30pm and 8pm.

Cheers Sky, you’ve not only turned the game into an overbloated hypefest riddled with jester-hatted idiots but you’ve turned us all into breakfast alcoholics.

See you all at Bargain Booze.

Thanks to our Flemish correspondent, B. van der Abelfish, we can bring you the latest on the Kuyt transfer from the Dutch Press:

“The Football Club of Liverpool is preparing to grab the proverbial dish-washer by its tusks, in order to pave way to witnessing the sight of Kuijt in a Liverpool shirt. Feyenoord manager has let in the fact that Dirk is about to kick the bucket, after reports claimed that the device was set and all was missing was the fingerprints. The denial sparked celebration in ranks as they dreamt a fairytale that came true. Friday seems the likeliest of destinations. Rumours confirmed it wouldn’t, but Kuyt’s agent got off at the wrong stop. All has been cleared and the purple monkey has found the diamond. Liverpool will get their man for a fee of four balloons and a liquorice stick.”

All looking promising then.

Great to see Daniel Agger fit and back in action on Sunday. The Danish central defender has been struggling with niggling injuries since his arrival in January from Brondby. His assured display against opponents of the class of Shevchenko and Drogba will have come as no surprise to those who watched him roll Rooney and Owen into a little ball, and tuck them in his back pocket when Denmark thrashed England 4-1 last season.

He appears to be a real throwback to some of our great centre halves of the past (Hansen, Lawrenson, Hughes and Tommy Smith whose ball skills remain criminally underrated). He’s strong in the air, positionally astute and assured on the ball, capable of bringing the ball into midfield or threading an accurate pass to players in a more advanced position. With Sami’s bones creaking more by the year, we should see Agger get frequent chances to partner Carra as the season progresses.

The flag says it all. Slowly but surely the world is coming around to the same opinion as most Reds. Sissoko is simply sensational. A player who according to Paul McCarthy of the Express was the “worst Liverpool player ever” after our defeat to Fulham last season, is now opening the eyes of those paid to report on the game to his incredible tackling, energy and capacity for work in midfield:

Independent: Sissoko stands tall in the face of Mourinho’s new muddled army

Telegraph: Echoes of Patrick Vieira reverberated in every tackle, every break made by the rangy Sissoko

Times: Mohamed Sissoko’s dominance of midfield enabled Mark González and Jermaine Pennant to rampage down the flanks

Guardian: Momo Sissoko was utterly dominant … and was the outstanding player in the match overall.

Keep up the good work Momo.

Patrons of the Anfield Nature Reserve were astonished to spot what appeared to be the Lesser Spotted Right Winger on Wednesday night. This rare bird was last seen in the 60s and early 70s and was believed to be extinct in the area. Only a couple of black and white pictures of what was once a native species are in the public domain, one of which we’ve managed to obtain from the Liverpool Museum.

The natural habitat for the Pennatus Interstinctus Dexterum Minor (its Latin name) are the long chalk laterals found on the edges of vast expanses of grassland in the Anfield area.

The lesser spotted has an oscillating flight and is often seen engaging other competing species in play, hopping up to challenge them before nipping around them with a flourish.

Unusually for a species which spends much of its time playing singularly on the periphery of open ground, it flocks centrally to feed, crossing the open spaces to provide for its fellow birds. We’re hoping that with Anfield twitchers now on full alert, we’ll be able to bring you a full-coloured picture of the Lesser Spotted Right Winger soon and that its return to the Anfield envrions will be a long and successful one.